The Heron Wall

I find it hard to talk about losing Emma. Many of my friends, family and my military brothers and sisters were there when I needed it. And not forgetting Ruby! I’m not an expert but I have witnessed great loss. Eventually you become accustomed to another ramp ceremony and you need to keep a brave face as you have leadership responsibilities. They all hurt, but when it was Emma, I just wanted to see her off with the respect and dignity she deserved, especially for her sisters. But then I just wanted it to be over. What’s the point?

Ruby and people who truly loved me for who I was made me realise I can’t give up and take the easy option….it’s not an easy option! They all asked me if I was going to just sit on the kitchen floor in my pants, rocking backward and forward feeling sorry for myself. Harsh, but needed. I don’t want therapy; I know I’ve always needed it but I just don’t want to talk about it. So what can I do to give meaning, something to continue to live for, not forgetting Ruby.

I’m a climber and mountaineer. I don’t make out I’m the best, I know I need to work and train harder. So build a wall! We had always wanted one but never got round to it moving from married quarter to married quarter. With the help of all of my brothers we designed, built and set the Heron Wall, named after my belief in the souls of my loved ones being carried by every heron you are fortunate to ever see.

I don’t want to bore anyone who finds themselves reading this, but it was supposed to be 8 by 12 feet, but because I’m as technical as a dodo, my kick board design was sub-standard and had to be built much sturdier (thank God for Carlo and Steve) the wall rose up by another 1.5 foot. If anyone asks its 8 yards high, it sounds less imposing.

The best thing about the wall, apart from being able to alter the angle, are the holds that have been donated by all my climbing buddies. It feels amazing to climb problems and circuits knowing that climbers better than me have cut their teeth on these holds. Oh, and because it’s my wall in my back yard I can alter the routes anytime I want. Again, if anyone is reading this and is a route setter, you are welcome to turn up and set a route. I will make you wets and be your assistant all night.

To all those on the role of honour, you know who you are, I wouldn’t be here without you and the wall. Oh and never forgetting Ruby! Absent friends.